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In Defense of the Indefensible
By Gratman

I would like to point out that these are my views only and do not necessarily reflect those of the editors or even my wife.

In this article I will confront a problem that has plagued mankind since before the plague. A problem that hides behind the mask of 'Political Correctness', cowardice, and maybe that bush over there.

I will confront this problem and SMASH it into a Billion tiny problems that will be as easy to squish as fat water bugs, oozing green guts and looking at me, their killer, accusingly.

Hey, I couldn't help it! You scared me! Skittering across the floor like that. I just reacted. Poor little guys.

Sorry, where was I?

Oh yeah, that's right.

I am defending the kind of people who go out and beat up another kind of people who decide, for their own reasons, to live a lifestyle that is different than mainstream society.

That's right.

Mime bashers.

I know I will get alot of mail on this (that's why no address), but I feel, like they say, that the cream will rise to the top.

I may have misunderstood that last statement but to me it means;

The cream (in your coffee) will rise top the top (of the cup).

So you have to keep stirring it.

So that is what I'm doing.

A wise man once said (it was me), "Whosoever suffers a mime to exists without beating him, also suffers, for what is the measure of a mime? Is it not the beating?" Genuine words of wisdom.

I passed a street mime the other day while he was pleasantly walking against the wind and I almost puked. I pulled out an imaginary wallet and gave him an imaginary twenty. He gave me a REAL dirty look.

He must have followed me home because the next day I got a letter from the S.P.C.M. (Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Mimes.) It said, basically, that mimes have been repressed much too long. Mime culture and the mime lifestyle were a viable alternative to the boring mainstream (if you enjoy overemphasized facial expressions) and that more and more people were coming out of the invisible closet.

I called to discuss this but they would not talk to me.

I wanted to say that I do not care what goes on behind closed doors but public displays of mimeing must cease, because the tackiness is an affront to common decency.

I can here all the communists screaming, "They are members of the opressed workers! We must unite againt the Bourgeoisie in class struggle!"

"Pha!" Is my mocking reply.

Don't you people understand? The mimes are tools of repression! They are lackeys used by the exploitative ruling class to desensitize the proletariat to crap!

I don't hate them although I dislike them to the extreme. I would like to make them productive members of society, by force if necessary.

In other words; A mime is a terrible thing to waste.

In my next article I will discuss those people who stand with the mannequins in the wax museum and then move suddenly to scare you.

I believe they might be mimes.