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A Letter To The Past
By Entity X3sj6(bang)7

This letter is being sent to you from the interior of your sun, four thousand years in your future.


Sorry to bother you, but, I need your help. I've been doing some calculations and have figured out what went wrong. It all has to do with time travel. Let me explain:

There is this guy. He is very Intelligent, creative,and good looking.

Okay it's me.

I was surfing the net one day and put together the information I found on four different pages. I knew how to make a time travel machine!

I built a small demo and sent half a mouse two minutes into the future. Poor little guy.

A wizened old man ran into the room, jabbering that he was me and some junk about big headed mutants. I said shut up, hit him in the chin, and knocked the fool flat.

He couldn't be me, he was very ugly.

In the next room was a time travel machine, so I went back and killed Hitler. I thought, who was the biggest A-hole in history? I'll kill him and be a hero!

Big mistake.

I came back and everything was different. Nixon had wrested control of the government and it was BAD.

I went back and tried to change the timeline back, but things got worse.

I went back and changed; worse, back and changed; worse, till I ended up here.

I even tried to go back and stop myself, but we know what happened.

So. You are probably saying to yourself, "What does this have to do with me?"

I have caculated that if I were to become a millionare I would be too busy to ever invent the time machine.

That's right!

Send $19.99 (check or money order) to:

Save the Universe foundation
c/o Grat Crabtree
5430 Arlington Ave. #287
Riverside, CA 92504