Franklin's Little Secret or My Boyfriend Wears My Pantyhose
by E.J. Periwinkle

This movie is a farce and love story about tolerance, the triumph of true love, having fun, and tweaking the collective nose of the establishment and the religious right. It involves the humorous violation of a social taboo, men and boys wearing pantyhose, as the dramatic and humorous premise.

ACT I

At the start of the film Franklin, age 6, is the bratty out of control little brother in an upper middle class family whose working parents have less and less time to attend to his everyday needs. Franklin's older sister Ellen is a high school junior who is an awkward but beautiful amazon. She and her two best friends are social outcasts and have retreated into the quasi fantasy world of Battle Princess Zora a girl teen idol TV series that revolves around the medieval exploits and courtliness of its heroine Princess Zora. We are introduced to the girls and their life style as the movie opens in a wild "nut twisting" scene on the campus of the girl's high school as they approach David, a boy Ellen has a crush on. There is a comic confrontation, the introduction of THE GLOVE and a foreshadowing of future events.

When their mom decides she must go back to work, she and the kids father reason that Ellen is old enough to help get little Franklin get ready for school and watch him after school until their Mom comes home from work. The father is stupid, stern, and insensitive. Ellen at first resents the prospect of this new responsibility being foisted upon her but soon cheers at the prospect that she can charm Franklin into her world of medieval nobility and good works as her good squire and future knight. He is soon dubbed squire of the royal order as they convene court, is presented with the royal trumpet (his dad's old trumpet), and told that it is his duty to trumpet the court's call to order. To confirm their identities as nobles, servants of the righteous, and protectors of the defenseless, the girls and Franklin must vow to wear the robes of nobility (which in Franklin's case include little girls tights). At first he objects that "Those are for girls," but the girls show him pictures of Robin Hood. They convince him that he will someday become Sir Franklin if he keeps to his vows and completes his training. He vows before heaven and earth to always wear his garb and fight for good. They live out their medieval fantasies in mock court and through their crusade to feed the hungry. They regularly raid a bakery's dumpsters at closing time. and deliver fresh food that would otherwise be thrown away to a local homeless shelter where they are received with great fanfare, gratitude, and royal deference. Ellen's attention and fantasy works miracles on Franklin, he becomes a cooperative little boy and grows very close to her. A year or so later on a crusade outside the local bakery the band is accosted by a group of Bikers on motorcycles. Ellen haplessly drops her glove is overpowered, knocked unconscious, abducted and goes missing.

The loss of his big sister and their fantasy life together deeply effects Franklin, he becomes a very sad little boy. His mother quits her job and returns home to care for him. Though the courtly band has been broken up he continues to dream their fantasy. He hides his garb, sword, and trumpet and continues to play out the fantasies alone in his room at night.

ACT II

Next we see him at the age of fifteen an isolated boy playing his trumpet beautifully alone in his room. We see him surreptitiously taking pantyhose from his mother's drawer to wear in his room as he plays out his Princess Zora fantasy. He secretly wears them under his pants as he goes to school. One day his mom enters his room and finds a drawer full of her pantyhose, his sword, and all the royal paraphernalia. Franklin's parents discuss this discovery and decide he has a problem. They take him to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist is obviously desperately in love with his indifferent secretary. Franklin's eloquent and romantic explanation of how his compulsive but secret behavior effects his persona comically persuades the doctor that perhaps his secretary will find him irresistible if he himself wears pantyhose. Franklin has discovered that he plays his best music and girls are magically drawn to him when he wears pantyhose. He explains to the doctor that he thinks this is because he can feel what the girls are feeling under his clothes and that somehow girls can sense this and are drawn to him. Unfortunately his habit is also his social undoing, he is ashamed of his behavior and believes that no girl could ever love him the way he feels he must dress. The doctor assures Franklin that if he finds a girl who loves him she will understand his needs. When Franklin and his parents return for his next visit the doctor and his secretary obviously have something going on. As the doctor discusses the case with Franklin's parents the camera angle shows his pant leg has crept up and that he has on a pair of black women's hose under his pants. The doctor then goes on to inform his parents that Franklin is a fairly normal but traumatized boy and that his choice of underwear merely represents his attachment to the memory of his sister, which will in time fade as he forms adult relationships. He advises that rather than make a big issue out of it they wait and hope he grows out of it.

Sarah is the most popular girl in the sophomore class; she is sweet and caring and develops a crush on the handsome, shy, and sensitive Franklin. He is the first chair trumpet player for the school band and plays with such angst and beauty that she completely falls in love with him after hearing him play a moving trumpet solo. Sarah pursues him, and he falls in love with her, but he is too ashamed to tell her of his secret compulsion. Finally, in a tearful scene at Sarah's home in her room Sarah begs him to tell her why they can't be together and he tells her the whole story. He explains that he can't help himself and that he wears his mother's pantyhose under his clothes. She holds him and reassures him that it doesn't matter to her at all. She loves him no matter what he wears. She tells him he doesn't even have to wear his mom's pantyhose anymore, she gives him some of hers and offers to take him shopping for some. Sarah is happy that he tells her this because it means he trusts her and must really love her. Franklin can't believe how lucky he is. They kiss and hold each other. Neither Franklin nor Sarah realize that Sarah's jealous 12 year-old sister Kimmy is listening in on their conversation Kimmy is resentful of Sarah's beauty and the attention she attracts and can hardly contain her excitement and laughter.

Kimmy calls her friend Jo-Anne right way to tell her Sarah's secret, Jo-Anne whose older brother goes to Franklin and Sarah's school tells him right away. The next day as Franklin gets off the bus he realizes something has changed. Kids are looking at him and snickering. Finally a group of Jocks approach him and knock his books out of his arms. They taunt him with the nickname Pantyhose Boy. Franklin is mortified and thinks Sarah has betrayed him. As the rumour spreads in school Sarah realizes what he must be thinking. She figures out what has happened given that Kimmy has a history of eavesdropping. When he sees her he is angry and accuses her of telling. In tears she tells him she would never do that and she loves him so much. She also announces that she has a plan to fix the situation and asks him to trust her.

Sarah meets with her girlfriends after school and they laugh at Franklin too. She sticks up for him and tells her girl friends that it was her idea for him to wear her pantyhose. She says "I asked him if he would wear my pantyhose as a sign our love and he said yes. Her girlfriends think this is very sexy and romantic. She asks her girlfriends, "How many of your boyfriends would do that for you"? Sarah expresses her doubts that any of her friend's boyfriends would do this for them. In fact Franklin's sensitivity, sensuality, and his willingness to do what Sarah wants for love drives them wild with curiosity and fascination for Franklin. A crowd of girls start following Franklin around at school flirting with him and asking him how he feels- while what they're really wondering is how his pantyhose feel under his pants. One of the girls can't resist repeatedly groping his Franklin's touchas to feel his hose through his pants. The guys at school are incredulous and appalled that the girls are attracted to and fascinated with Franklin. Several are rebuffed by their girl friends as boors for harassing Franklin. The girls come to believe that if their boyfriends really love them they should be willing to wear a pair of their pantyhose too. The girls make a pact that their boyfriends aren't getting anything until they stop teasing Franklin and prove their love by wearing a pair of their pantyhose. They order and wear T-shirts that say "My Boyfriend Wears My Pantyhose." They tell their boyfriends "If Franklin did it for Sarah you can do it for me." Begrudgingly the frustrated guys buckle under the duress of this feminine coercion. They are each handed a pair a pair of pantyhose and a T-shirt that says "I Wear My Girlfriends Pantyhose" which they are required to wear. The girls go wild and romantic when their boyfriends comply and secretly most of the guys are thrilled with the sensuality and romance of the pantyhose experience. The next day the principal hears rumors about boys wearing "certain articles of their girlfriends clothing," he is indignant and makes a public pronouncement that no such behavior will be tolerated either under pants or in shorts because it is against the school's dress code. Of course there is nothing in the dress code about pantyhose with or without shorts and the next day in an act of social disobedience most of the guys at school are walking around in shorts and pantyhose and the girls love it. The principal has a fit and decrees that any males wearing pantyhose in school will be suspended. The next day suspended students in pantyhose shorts and T-shirts picket the school. The music from My Boyfriend's Back plays with the following lyrics: My boyfriend wears my pantyhose baby, Hey la, Hey la, he likes em black.etc. The local media catch wind of the story and broadcast it on local news. Ellen who has lost her memory but is now the boss of the biker gang still wears her Zora outfit and glove. She cows the guy who clubbed her and abducted her. She is watching the TV news in the biker bar. She sees her brother on camera and suddenly remembers him. The camera pans the bar and it is now clear that all of these bikers are in leather, shorts, and black tights. Tiny, one of the heavier bikers who is clearly upset approaches her. "George said I look like a pig in my new tights," she goes over to George, gives him her old nut twisting routine and makes him apologize to Tiny. She then raises her fist and dramatically proclaims " To your mounts, good knights, today we ride to glory." As they file out the door of the bar the name "Black Knights in Tights" is on their jackets. They ride through the streets to the music of Steppenwolf and join the high school picket line. Franklin and his sister are reunited and renew their pledge to each other. Ellen then comically bumps into David, the local news anchor. He is clearly still smoldering for her from the incident years before, they kiss and she hands his a pair of black tights. Before long the bizarre commotion at the school sets off a flurry of national and international events.

• The ACLU steps in vowing to defend the boy's right to gender equality in clothing and presents the principle with a temporary restraining order against the suspensions.
• The national news picks up the story.
• Reverend Perry Hallwell a spokesman for the religious right condemns this act of gender confusion and relates it directly to Kinky Winky the purse carying kids character that has brainwashed an entire generation. He calls for million-man march to Washington to ban pantyhose in America before we find ourselves destroyed by the wrath of the angel of vengence. We see Perry at home as a closet transvestite.
• Teen boys across the country rebel against the religious rights doctrinal convention and take up the cause wearing their girlfriends pantyhose. Guys and girls wear their racy T-shirts to school, parties, and clubs.
• Newspaper headlines Proclaim "Pantyhose Pandemonium", "World Shortage of Pantyhose" The FBI has a meeting to consider the possibility that communist subversives are behind the pantyhose events. They are discussing this under the watchful eye of a portrait of J. Edgar Hoover in drag.
• Harv Albert while announcing an NBA game where the players are all wearing tights expresses regret and shame about what has become of the American male and the manly sport of basketball.
• Barbara Wawa interviews The Clinton's. Bill is asked if he himself ever wore any of his girlfriend's pantyhose. He bashfully admits that once in college he tried on a girlfriend's pair but actually never pulled them all the way up. Hillary cheerfully volunteers, "Oh, by the way Barbara he does wear my pantyhose now." They give each other dopey looks and Hillary says, "Show Barbara honey." Bill pulls up his pant leg to reveal a pair of red pantyhose and Hillary starts whacking him over the head with her purse. "I gave you a blue pair, you creep, where the hell did those come from"? "Bill looks at the camera and says, "I just want to tell the American people that I am not wearing that woman's, Ms. Lewinski's pantyhose. Hillary keeps beating him over the head.
• Regis wears a pair of Kathy Lees's famous pantyhose.
• Dennis Rodman gives an interview to announce the introduction of his Big Boy line of pantyhose. They are called "Big Boy" he explains because they set your "big boy" free, as he passes his hand licentiously through the open front of a pair.