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Magie Magee
Age 92
Fort Bent, KY
"What? Testimonials? Never heard of 'em."

"What are they anyway? Some newfangled contraption? Where are my teeth?

I'm sick and tired of all you snake oil salesmen trying to shoehorn horsecrap down my throat all the time.

If I wasn't a hundred and three years old I would whup you till your head fell off.

I mean it. Clean off.

I remember it was the summer of thirty-six. Hal and the boys had just cleaned out the attic. Little Nathan came skipping down the steps wearing my wedding dress, smiling like a monkey in heat.

I grabbed a two by four and kilt him.

We had three others but they avoided me after that."