EXT. OFFICE BUILDING - DAY
A beat-up car pulls into the parking lot. Out jumps ACE(mid
20s), a handsome if disheveled young man. He bolts from the
car, briefcase in hand, and sprints to the huge front door.
INT. OFFICE BUILDING - DAY
A professional front desk in a quiet lobby. The receptionist
looks up as Ace bursts in.
She shakes her head sadly.
Ya got one minute, Ace.
A moment of indecision as he looks at the elevator, then at
the stair door, then at the receptionists, who shrugs.
He goes for the stairs.
INT. STAIRWAY - DAY
Ace runs up and around each landing. He passes doors numbered
two, three, four, five.
He is panting, slowing. He pauses for a quick bent over
hyperventilation. He continues.
Then finally he is at door number six.
INT. OFFICE - DAY
He pushes the door open and struts in triumphantly.
He smiles and raises his arms like an Olympian. The office
people ignore him. They crowd around the boss, SAM(35).
So I told him the attack was coming
from one ninety eight dot zero dot
zero dot one - and he believed me!
Everybody laughs at the geek joke. The crowd breaks up as
I was really, really new then.
This leads to a renewed round of laughter as Ace slinks off
to his cubicle.
INT. CUBICLE - DAY
Ace settles in to his messy work area, boots up his computer
and looks through his stack of repair orders.
Sam sticks his head in.
Didn't mean anything mean, my main
That is a bizarre way of
apologizing, Sam. With
Joan in accounting needs a new hard
drive and Jesse in HR. Can't get
his E-mail. Again.
Sam turns to leave, then turns back.
And tonight everybody is coming
with me to the desert to see my new
detector at work. Just got it.
I really have a bunch of stuff to
take care of.
That's too bad. You'll be missing
quite an event. It's a potluck.
Suzie will be there.
Yeah too bad.
Ace grabs a hard drive from a small stack on a bookcase and
INT. CUBICLE CORIDOOR - DAY
Ace passes cubicle openings, nodding and smiling at the poor
Dilberts that he cares for.
A head pops up out of a cubicle two rows over, looking like a
prairie dog on the cubicle farm.
Psst! Hey Ace. I got a little
problem over here. Can you help me?
Oh no. Ace flinches.
E-mail me a work order, Ye Cubicle
It'll only take a second.
Ace ducks and runs as jungle hunting drums kick up.
The balding male CUBICLE DWELLER (30ish) rushes out of his
hidey-hole, eyes blazing, Nerf rifle in hand. He cocks it.
A hunting horn plays - like the one from "Planet of the Apes".
Ace zigs and zags down the cubicle corridors, panting
heavily, then doubles back.
The Cubicle Dweller sniffs the air. He listens, head tilted,
He grunts, eyes large, and sprints after his human prey.
Ace sees SUZIE (20's), a beautiful brunette, in her cubicle
and slides to a stop.
The jungle drums pause.
Ace scuffs the carpet with his heel, looking down.
Suzie looks up, blushing slightly.
Got any new petitions to sign?
As a matter of fact I do.
She shuffles around in a drawer.
Ace hears the padding footsteps of the tracking hunter.
The drums kick back in and Ace disappears.
The Cubicle Dweller, crazed eyes scanning the corridors, runs
in a smooth lope.
Ace spasms into his home base and feverishly digs into a pile
of binders, books, and papers.
As the hunting Cubicle Dweller rolls into a prone position in
He fires his Nerf weapon. Ace jumps like a cat and spins.
Ace deflects the shot with a clipboard and shoots back with a
small Nerf pistol.
The soft bullet hits the Cubicle Dweller right between the
eyes and sticks with a suction cup.
That was close. You will never
catch me away from my base,
unprepared like that, again.
Sam appears, arms crossed indignantly.
Ace helps the Cubicle Dweller up and hands him the clipboard.
So be sure to fill out section
three so I can prioritize the work
Sam frowns at the Nerf bullet vibrating on the Cubicle
Ace pulls the bullet off with a 'THWOK'.
The Cubicle Dweller wanders off, dazed.
You know what this means.
I don't need another form 10w42-a
in my employee folder, Sam.
Bring chips and dip tonight, then.
Ace nods solemnly and goes back into his cubicle.
EXT. DESERT REST AREA- NIGHT
The rest area has a few scraggly trees and a small brick
bathroom. It all looks creepy illuminated by two yellow
lights on a small pole.
The crew from the office congregate around two picnic tables
piled with food and surrounded by red Chinese lanterns.
It is an island of light in the darkness.
Ace pulls up in the lot in his jalopy. He jumps out with the
chips and dip and beelines to a group where Suzie is.
Hi Ace. I got that petition you
wanted to sign.
He puts the snacks on the table and sidles up to her closer.
What's this one about?
It's the one to unionize our
Ace tries not to roll his eyes.
Suzie picks up a clipboard.
You want to sign?
But aren't we all salary?
We have the power. We are the
workers and the workers control the
means of production.
But we don't produce anything.
So you won't sign?
Ace smiles, in love.
Are you kidding? Of course I'll
Sam breaks away from his group and approaches, trailing
sycophants. He puts his arm around Ace's shoulders and guides
him away towards his nice new car.
I'm glad you've decided to grace us
with your presence, young Padawan
The small group giggles.
The dark lord has much power, but
this force is strong with this one.
The small group is stunned. Sam holds up his hands and
Truce! I need you with me on this.
These people are not like you and
The small group looks at each other, confused. Sam poses arms
We are SUPERGEEKS!
They all laugh.
You are a decent techie so I think
you will appreciate this.
Sam pops the trunk. He pulls out a high tech backpack -
riddled with hoses, knobs and meters.
You're all set for Ghostbusters
now. Where's your jumpsuit?
Sam and the sycophants react with dismay.
I thought for sure you would get a
geekbone over this. Look at it!
He holds it up, demonstrating.
It's got detectors for every type
of electromagnetism plus a Geiger
counter,Hall effect sensor and
Doppler radar. Look. It even has an
Ace moves closer. Intrigued.
OK. You may be correct. It might be
cool. Where'd you get it?
The sycophants nod approvingly.
I had it custom made. Help me put
Ace takes the backpack and puts it on Sam. He finds the power
switch and it hums to life. The displays glow blue and green.
Sam reaches over his shoulder and yanks out a detector wand.
It still looks kinda Ghostbustery.
Sam walks over to the picnic table crowd. They ooh and aah
He holds up a champaign glass.
I will now go down in the annals of
history as the first man to detect
Sam downs the champaign then poses, wand arm raised. He
presses the button and waves the wand at the sky
dramatically. Nothing happens.
More dramatic waving.
The people go back to eating and chatting. Another dud.
EXT. DESERT REST AREA - NIGHT
The picnic tables have been cleaned and everyone is gone
except for Sam, Ace and Suzie. They sit a the table and have
a laptop connected to the detector backpack as it lays there.
The diagnostics say everything is
working properly. Maybe there were
no UFOs close enough tonight. I'll
increase it's range.
He types on the keys then points at the laptop screen.
This interface is pretty cool, see?
It's modular. If I hook it up like
this it should send out a pulse,
not detect it.
Sam had a little too much champagne and slurs a little.
I don't know. Maybe we should study
Ace types some more then fiddles with the laptop's scratchy
pad. Click, click, done.
Overruled! Fire it up!
Sam reluctantly flips it on.
Okay now wave it around. Let the
UFOs detect us instead!
Sam starts conducting an imaginary orchestra with the wand.
Try something else.
Ace clicks and fiddles on the laptop.
A silent whoosh and the stars are blocked out.
A deep dull rumbling. Ace looks up.
Sam notices the stars being blocked.
Shit! No witnesses!
Ace panics, grabs Suzie's hand and runs. Faint probing blue
lasers lash out in arcing patterns from the black space in
They find Sam and circle him. Sam raises his arms in ecstasy.
Yes! Take me.
The lasers find Ace and Suzie and throw them to the ground.
Sam is lifted up bathed in light, arms wide, back arched.
Ace is lifted up, struggling and thrashing. Suzie is
They better not probe me!
A glowing white square opens in the darkness above. They are
sucked into it.
The glowing square closes slowly.
INT. SPACESHIP CARGO HOLD - NIGHT
They are floating side by side wrapped with blue electric
ropes in a huge futuristic industrial room. There are rows of
palletized weird stuff on one side and hulking machinery on
There is a large square window, lit with blue, high up on the
Sam grins ear to ear and gives the thumbs up to Ace, who
This is a violation of my civil
She looks at Ace like: "Do Something!"
Ace starts mumbling.
Um, yeah. This must be one of those
military black ops projects or
Ace speaks up.
It was my mistake, sorry. I
signaled you guys by accident. No
big deal though. Just flash us with
the blinky-blinky thing to make us
forget and we will be on our way.
He smiles at his satisfactory response.
Sam glares at Ace.
Take us to your home planet and
share your technological secrets
with us, oh Star Brothers.
They start moving horizontally toward an open hatchway.
Thanks a lot.
A laser-like stun beam hits them and they are knocked out.
INT. UFO PRISON CELL - NIGHT
Ace wakes up in a pile of hay in a prison cell.
Oh no. Not a dream.
He jumps up and rattles the bars on the cell door. Locked. He
puts his hands on his butt.
HEY! Suzie! Sam! Somebody! Space
guys! Shish kabob!
He examines his cell. A pile of hay, a toilet, a water
fountain and a button on the wall.
Ace hits the button.
A small panel in the wall slides open and a hot pocket is
Ace sniffs the hot pocket and bites it. Pizza.
A rustling in the far corner under the hay makes Ace jump.
Who's there? Show yourself!
The rustling continues. Ace backs into the corner of the cell
holding his hot pocket like a weapon.
If you don't show yourself I'm
gonna have to hurt you!
The hay in the far corner thrashes wildly.
A huge ugly green caterpillar the size of Ace's forearm is
revealed, heaving and writhing.
The caterpillar rights itself and looks at the disgusted Ace.
Big eyes on stalks, insect mouth parts opening. Horrible!
Ace is frozen.
Ace does a double take. The caterpillar smiles. He's cute.
The caterpillar undulates in a circle on top of the hay.
Yeah. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi! How are you?
He looks at Ace and smiles again.
And he dives back under the straw.
The caterpillar pops his head out of the hay.
Wait for what?
Ace thinks quick.
My name is Ace, What's yours?
The caterpillar raises up and makes a shrill trilling sound.
Can I just call you Threep?
So what's going on? Are you one of
the guys who run this ship?
Threep eats some hay.
No! I'm with you. We're prisoners.
Nice ship though. Big.
So what now?
I don't know. Eat. Sleep. Wait.
The floor lurches and the tone of the background rumble
changes. The lights dim. Ace forms the hay into a bed-like
shape and flops on it.
I guess we're cellies then. Weird.
What kind of alien are you?
Me no alien. Me a speckleButt. You
Ace closes his eyes.
I don't feel like an alien but I
also don't feel like arguing. So
I'm taking a nap. Good night little
INT. UFO PRISON CELL - DAY
Ace sleeps holding Threep like a teddy bear. Threep snuggles
Ace snorts awake to another floor lurching. He freaks for a
second at Threep being under his arm then relaxes when Threep
smiles up at him.
Ace sits up. Threep crawls to his shoulder.
Ah. A wonderful new day.
Ace goes to the button and gets a hot pocket.
So how do you know English?
English? What's an English?
It is the language that I speak,
the words that are coming out of my
Oh! My Nanites help me with that.
Threep gestures with his eye-stalks and a gray stripe on his
back dissolves into a smoky cloud.
I love my Nanites.
The nanite cloud and Threep snuggle.
So they translate. Can they help us
Threep freezes as do his Nanites cloud.
What's to escape to? Here we have
food and a place to sleep, out
there is cold space between stars.
Ace shakes his head, explaining.
No, Threep, you got it wrong. In
here is trapped and at their mercy,
out there is freedom and a chance
to go home.
If we could escape from here I
could take control of the ship.
Well we at least have half a chance
Ace goes over to the cell door and points at the lock.
Maybe your "Nanites" can open it?
Threep chirps and the Nanite cloud spins into the lock. A
whir and a click and the door slowly swings open.
INT. PRISON HALLWAY - DAY
It is dark and shadowy.
Ace sticks his head out, looks both ways, then slides along
the wall with his back to it.
He comes to a cell door and whispers.
He hears a small commotion and Sam's face appears at the
Ace! How? What?
The Nanites open the lock. Ace stands outside the doorway.
Sam sees Threep on Ace's shoulders and bows.
I am pleased to be the guest of
your wonderful species.
This guy on my shoulder is not our
keeper. He's a prisoner like us.
His name is Threep.
Hi, Threep. I believe you should go
back to your rooms and await the
C'mon man, you gotta be kidding me.
Sam shakes his head.
You are ruining everything.
It's not a room, it's a cell and we
are prisoners Abductees, Sam.
No we aren't. They probably have a
set procedure for handling fresh
Sam steps back and convinces himself.
It is for our safety as well as
theirs. After they see we are not
dangerous they will let us out of
this holding area and we can start
Ace has an idea.
Maybe this is a test? We should
escape to prove how clever we are!
They might give us special
And they might also dump us back
home for not being cooperative.
Ace, you need to go back.
No, Sam. I am escaping, with or
Sam pushes past Ace and into the hallway. He looks for hidden
cameras and points at Ace.
No you are NOT. HEY! Alien ship
people! This guy is escaping!
Ace lays him out with a right cross to the chin and then
drags him back into his cell.
Lock it up.
You people crazy!
Threep's Nanites lock the cell door.
Ace jogs to the next cell door.
Suzie comes out of the darkness of her cell.
Ace! How did you get out?
She sees Threep smiling at her.
You have something weird on your
Ah. This is Threep.
He looks at Ace.
Hi Threep.I'm sorry. no you are not
weird, you are oppressed, like us.
Threep is confused.
Enough small talk, let's get out of
Suzie agrees and they run to the end of the corridor where a
It is like an elevator open on the wrong floor. They skid to
We go in. We jump.
Ace looks at Suzie who looks at Threep.
If you trust him I'll trust you.
Aced and Suzie hold hands and jump into the tube. They hang
in space for a moment and then drop like a sack of potatoes.
Ace and Suzie scream.
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