wemakegreatpets
[
previous
| bottom
]
EXT. FLYING PLATFORM - NIGHT
The platform drops with a gentle angle towards the hive, a
giant ever changing trapezoidal mass, with tubes and ports
and energy streams twisted into the morphing.
INT. FLYING PLATFORM - NIGHT
Ace looks to the Hive.
ACE
Any Ideas?
THE SERGEANT
We can't wait for reinforcements so
need to go in in stealth mode.
SAM
Once you get to the 'Control
Module' we will hold them off so
you can disconnect it.
THREEP
Land on top, there is a drop tube
that goes right to the center. A
little hallway and you are there.
Threep's head is the only thing exposed, everything else is
covered in silk.
Ace looks behind and sees a storm gathering.
ACE
Looks like a storm gathering, we
better hurry.
The sergeant looks at the storm.
THE SERGEANT
Yes we better hurry because that
ain't no storm.
Ace looks at him, confused.
THE SERGEANT
It's Nanites.
EXT. TEEGEEACKIAN DESERT - NIGHT
The storm cloud of Nanites roil. Angry faces form then
dissolve back into the cloud. It moves quick and gets bigger
as more Nanites join up.
Behind them are a ragtag bunch of rebels are chasing the
storm.
EXT. NANITE HIVE - NIGHT
The Hive goes insane as the platform approaches. It remains
the same basic size and shape but it's morphing rate
accelerates hugely as it ejects puffs of Nanites.
The Nanites meet up with each other and attack the platform.
INT. FLYING PLATFORM - NIGHT
Ace sees the attacking clouds.
ACE
So much for stealth.
Ace, Sam and The Sergeant open up on them with shots from the
stun guns.
The Platform lands and they hit the ground running and
gunning.
They shoot holes in the Nanites big enough to walk through,
which they do.
They make their way to the droptube entrance.
The round door is locked shut. Sam and The Sergeant fend off
the attacking clouds as Ace struggles with the knob.
Sam yells over his shoulder:
SAM
What's the hold up?!
Ace, angry, backs away from the door and shoots it.
It burps open.
ACE
Nothing.
They jump in and drop, soon followed by streams of Nanites.
INT. DROPTUBE - NIGHT
They fall down the tube, accelerating. Looking down, Sam sees
more Nanites coming up at them.
He shoots them and they crystallize, floating and sparkling
as our group moves through them.
ACE
Watch out for the woop-de-loo!
SAM
What?
They hit the woo-de-loo, going upside down, then dumped on
their butts into a hallway.
INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT
ACE
(to himself)
I still don't know why they do it
like that.
(to them)
Hold this position.
Ace stands, brushes off, and takes off running.
The Nanites rush through the droptube opening in the ceiling.
They are shot, crystallize, and make a small but growing pile
of glitter.
But there are too many, Sam and The Sergeant can't shoot them
fast enough. They get closer and closer before they are
stunned.
Sam and The Sergeant back up down the hallway.
Ace gets to the end of the hall to a door. He shoots it just
in case, then throws it open.
INT. CONTROL MODULE ROOM - NIGHT
The Control Module sits against the far wall of a pristine
white room with rounded corners.
It looks like an futuristic ATM that turned into tubes.
ACE
Finally.
(to Threep)
So now what. Shish kabob. Look what
you did to yourself.
Threep is encased in his cocoon completely now. There is a
movement within, a shuddering.
Ace shakes his head and shoots the Control Module. Nothing.
He looks back at the hallway just as the Nanites rush Sam and
the Sergeant, forcing them to the ground.
The Nanite cloud swirls around Ace.
NANITES
You have lost, Ace. Now things will
go back to normal.
Ace drops his stun gun then drops to his knees, head hanging.
ACE
Shit.
They spray him with a mist and he falls to his side.
INT. HOLDING CELL - DAY
Ace sits in a pile of hay with a three day beard, talking to
the cocoon on his shoulder.
ACE
I know it's not your fault, buddy,
but why did you have to go and
pupate right then? Dude. We had it.
Ace gets up and paces.
ACE
Whatever you come out as, a
butterfly or a moth or whatever, we
will figure out how to beat these
guys.
Ace gets an idea.
ACE
I will throw ALL of them in this
jail. No more mister nice guy.
They'll see. We tried to do it nice
once but sometimes nice don't cut
it.
Ace gets a hot pocket from the dispenser.
ACE
They don't want a democracy? Well
then we won't give them a
democracy. I will rule and they can
ALL be MY pets. Yeah.
Ace takes a bite laughs, food flying out of his mouth.
ACE
And they will do talent shows for
me!
There is a clattering and rattling at the door.
Ace backs away, wielding his hot pocket.
Two Insectoids in guard uniforms bust in and grab him by the
upper arms.
INT. JAIL HALLWAY - DAY
They frogmarch Ace down the hallway.
ACE
What's your names and IDs? I am
going to have special fun with you
guys when I take over.
They go into a lift tube and rise.
INT. LIFT TUBE - DAY
The Insectoid guards ignore Ace.
ACE
You had your chance and you blew
it. Now you must pay the
consequences.
Ace gets sly.
ACE
Unless...
They suddenly look at him.
ACE
You slip me outa here, then, after
I take over, there will be a
special place for you in my
administration.
They smirk as the lift stops.
INT. NICE HALLWAY - DAY
They frogmarch Ace down a courtly hallway.
Ace gets the decor.
ACE
So I'm going to court? What are the
charges? ANSWER ME!
They ignore him and throw open a set of double doors.
They push him through.
INT. AMPHITHEATER - DAY
Ace stands on a dais with a podium and bright lights shining
on it. Ace blinks at the blinding lights and holds up one arm
to block them.
ACE
I plead not guilty. Not guilty by
reason of insanity. I must have
been crazy to thing that plan would
work.
SAM (O.S.)
Your plea will not be acceptable.
Ace rolls his eyes.
ACE
Aw, Sam. How could you?
SUZIE (O.S.)
Don't worry, Ace. Everything will
be alright.
Ace is disheartened.
ACE
They got to you, too?
Her voice is full of compassion.
SUZIE (O.S.)
No, Sweetheart, you got to us.
The lights on Ace go down and the lights in the rest of the
place go up.
Ace is stunned by a huge amphitheater filled to the rafters
with all the species of the planet. They are each in their
own sections, Humans, Insectoids, Caterpillars, Robot Houses,
Energy Beings, And Nanites.
ACE
Huh?
Sam and The Sergeant, as well as Suzie and Proctor Sylex sit
in the front of the human's section.
SAM
After our failed attempt to
disconnect the Control Module the
reinforcements arrived. They
battled it out with the Nanites and
won. We disconnected the Control
Module and rooted out their
psychosis. This...
He gestures around the room.
SAM
Is our new combined council.
Ace blinks as the whole place explodes with applause for him.
ACE
Who? What? Why did you leave me in
that cell?
Suzie runs up to the dais and hugs him.
SUZIE
You weren't lucid, Ace. The Nanites
drugged you and you must have been
allergic or something. You were put
in a cell for your own protection.
You were CRAZY!
She stands next to him, smiling. Ace frowns at a movement in
the cocoon.
SAM
We held a vote and you are our new
leader!
Applause again.
ACE
I don't want to be a leader. Sorry.
I just want to go home.
A mumble from the combined council.
ACE
Don't vote yet! Sam, YOU can be the
leader. You have the management
training.
SAM
And they said I could have my balls
back if I wanted them, too!
Ace and Suzie look at each other, suprised.
House 1650 rises slightly and extends a speakertube.
HOUSE 1650
We are letting the people who want
to go back to do so. You are free
to go. We can hold another vote.
ACE
Well since you are going to an all
volunteer pet society, no more
abductions. So maybe I can be the
ambassador to earth, work out a
treaty?
Fiss stands from his position in the front of his section.
FISS
We already have treaties with all
your world's governments.
We probably just need to ask the
humans if they want to stay after
we bring them here and show them
around.
The cocoon has more movement inside.
ACE
And then what?
FISS
We wipe their minds if they want to
go back.
Ace frowns more.
ACE
So I won't remember any of this?
FISS
No.
ACE
Fudge.
FISS
No, I meant no as a negation of
your statement.
Sam speaks up.
SAM
He means you don't have to get your
memory wiped. Unless you want?
ACE
No.
(to Suzie)
You with me?
She grabs his hand and nods.
SAM
I'll give you everything I own,
house, car, everything. I'm
staying.
ACE
Duh. I knew that. Cool. Thanks.
They all applaud again.
ACE
I'm not going to make a big speech
because I've already made too many
of those.
Chuckles.
ACE
So I'm just going to say: I learned
a lot from you guys. Thanks!
He waves as they clap.
And then they stand.
Suzie waters up.
SUZIE
You did it, Ace.
Ace smiles and sniffs.
ACE
Yup.
They walk down to the middle of the amphitheater, arm in arm,
where they shake hands and say good-byes to everybody.
INT. SPACESHIP CONTROL ROOM - NIGHT
Ace and Suzie stare at space through a huge viewplate.
Insectoids and Nanite clouds stay busy, flitting from station
to station, running the ship.
The cocoon on Ace's shoulder rustles then moves violently.
ACE
Its about time!
A Nanite cloud forms around the cocoon then speaks.
THREEP'S NANITES
We are sorry, Ace. We were thinking
wrong.
The cocoon splits on one end and a wet mucous-y thing emerges
into the protective embrace of the Nanite cloud.
ACE
Yes you were. But you are all
better now.
The wet mucous-y thing shudders and unfolds.
ACE
Threep? How are you feeling.
Threep is now recognizable as a small Insectoid. His body
fills out as he moves his limbs.
SUZIE
That's crazy.
ACE
Wow. Freaky.
Threep makes a few guttural sounds then speaks.
THREEP
Not so freaky when you think about
it. It actually makes sense.
Threep is sat on the ground by the Nanites. He cleans himself
Insectoidally as they watch over.
THREEP'S NANITES
Just as it makes sense for us to
change also. We turn into the robot
houses.
Ace and Suzie ponder.
SUZIE
So then you turn into the Energy
Beings after that?
Threep look at them.
THREEP
No, you do.
Ace and Susie are startled then Ace laughs.
ACE
So let me get this right. The
Nanites are the pets of the
Caterpillars who are the pets of
the Humans who are the pets of the
Insectoids who are the pets of the
Robot Houses who are the pets of
the Energy Beings who are the pets
of the Nanites, right?
Threep nods.
ACE
While at the same time the
caterpillars are the juvenile state
of the Insectoids, the Nanites are
the juvenile state of the Robot
Houses, and the Humans are the
juvenile state of the Energy
beings?
Threep nods again.
ACE
So you are basically raising each
others kids.
Threep shrugs.
THREEP
It works for us.
Suzie interjects.
SUZIE
So how does a human become an
energy being?
The Nanites answer.
THREEP'S NANITES
You just do. On your planet when
you pass on to become an Energy
beings, you just drift off or join
your parent Energy Being, the sun.
Suzie and Ace look at each other, incredulous.
THREEP'S NANITES
Here we stabilize and then utilize
you. If you wish, when you become
an energy being we can come get
you.
ACE
Okay. Nice. Sign me up.
Ace and Suzie smile.
ACE
(to Threep)
So you are going to be alright?
Threep nods sagely.
THREEP
Oh yes, I will be fine. I will grow
swiftly and pair up with my mate,
Sukiyama hopefully, and get some
Human pets. It will be fun.
ACE
Okay. Cool. Peace out to the
homies, then.
Suzie puts her head on Aces shoulder as they resume staring
at space.
EXT. SPACESHIP - NIGHT
The huge ship lumbers towards the blue marble known as Earth.
INT. OFFICE - DAY
SUPERIMPOSE: - THREE MONTHS LATER -
The Dilberts congregate around a monitor.
CUBICLE DWELLER
Look at this. I recorded the boss
on Letterman last night.
On the screen Ace and Suzie are performing Hambone while Dave
grins stupidly.
FEMALE DILBERT
Wow, the boss is really good, huh?
They all noddingly agree.
CUBICLE DWELLER
She certainly is.
FADE OUT.
THE END
[ top | previous ]